Today I was working a make-up-hours’ shift at a nursing home in Kerrville with one of the other guys in my class.
While I was there, a series of events took place that caused my mind to totally reject any other thoughts except extreme deep and mind-boggling subjects… meaning, I couldn’t grasp much of what people said to me, I couldn’t focus on what I was doing… I had absolutely nothing to say – it wasn’t that I was trying to hold my tongue, but I honestly couldn’t even think of anything to say.
Bryan commented on how I got really quiet so I tried to talk to him, but again, as I’ve said (twice :P) no words came to mind.
I cannot tell you what thoughts were going through my head. I don’t remember what they were. All I know is the feeling I had was an overwhelming sense of falling towards the bottom of pit that seemed to be bottomless and then suddenly slamming into the ground and just staying there. I have often felt in the past year that things were not turning out and my world was falling out from under me and that feeling of “Nothing-Else-Can-Go-Wrong”, but through everything that happened, I never felt like I came to the bottom… the hard bottom where I knew there was not more sinking to do.
Today I did – do – sense that. It is a mixed feeling of being so far down I can’t even rise, yet since I’m at the bottom I can only rise!
“I’ll Praise You in this Storm!”