I haven’t been thankful for the past few months.  Then I got my scrapbooking magazine and saw “Thankful” on the front cover.   I knew that that just wasn’t a coincidence.  And no, I haven’t been thankful.  

But it just has been proven that I am a very selfish person.  Since things haven’t gone the way *i* want them to, I haven’t been thankful.  Even though so many blessings have been happening around me and to me, I haven’t been giving thanks.  

Well, yes, I would be thankful for my meals (of course!!) and bed and the family that is here with me now… but I haven’t been thankful in general. 

I used to be the kind of person that would write a thank you note for every little thing people did for me.  I mean, to the point of ridiculousness.  Seriously.  But ever since some things happened this year, people have to remind me to be grateful, thankful, give specific thanks.  I still haven’t written my uncle a thank you for taking us on the drive down in Melbourne, Florida, to Sebastian Inlet and back up to where he and my dad when to school… played baseball as boys…football in high school… etc.  (yeeeeah, rabbit trail.. .sorry!)

I guess I’m hung up on the prayer requests that God has been answering with answers I think are inappropriate right now… and I just can’t get past those “no’s.”  

But 1st Thessalonians 5:18 says: give thanks in ALLLLL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  (emphasis added, LoL)

I still am not entirely thankful for all that has happened in my life this past year.  But the difference is now I want to be who God wants me to be.  I’m not asking Him to change my circumstances, but to change me.  I’m not asking for everything to go back the way it was before (in fact, I don’t want it to go back!!).  

I am asking that this weekend be peaceful.  Last time I was around my brother i just didn’t have a peace. . . and I wanted to then!!  But now i’m fighting against not even wanting to now!! 😦

I’m still asking Him about other things too.  But I still don’t know what His will is concerning them.  I want peace in those circumstances as well, but I haven’t found it yet.  I guess I still want to be in control, by knowing exactly what’s going to be going on, with whom, and when.  *sigh*

I don’t even have a clue.  All i know is *MY* plan is to finish nursing school right now!!  I do believe God wants me to do that!!  I don’t have a clue what He’ll have me doing next year!!  ahhhhhh…. MY plans… God! What are YOUR plans??

“I’m LeTTinG gO of the life I’VE planned for me… Losing control of the destiny.  . . “

Oh yeah… good song, true… me.  🙂

~a rambling, hyper nursing student who worked 10 hours and has been up much longer than that 😛  _elizabeth busshaus_

yeah... long day.  :)  but at least I'm happy! :D


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